I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
