the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
