you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
