i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
