I molested 6 butterflies tonight
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
