just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
