We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
