I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
