Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize