guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
