It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
