just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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