like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
