i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
