I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
