This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
