i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Randomize
