So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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