The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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