I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
