No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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