what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
