So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Holy sore nipples Batman
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
