and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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