He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
he was CRYING into my vagina
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
