you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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