Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
