she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
