my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
