Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
40s are totally the cure
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
