my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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