i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
