if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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