just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
