I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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