oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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