Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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