She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
