Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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