just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
