don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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