My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
