I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You pole danced in your parka.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
