Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
