we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
