you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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