Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I will pee on everything he values.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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