Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
