So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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