I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
