When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize