That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
