So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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