I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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