he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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