Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
