i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Is it because I queefed?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
As shirtless as possible
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
