just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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