so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
