For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Slut skills are useful in every country.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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