Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
