Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize