He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
