thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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