So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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