I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
