im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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