Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
