called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
