Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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