Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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