I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
